I’m Burning . . .

I’ve been feeling aloof as the days begin to blend into what seems like a never-ending process of toxic refinement. I start my days with morning news and a two-hour ritual of eating, breathing, listening, watching, and caring for my dog. After those two hours, I begin to deep-dive into this state of extreme focus, applying to jobs, sending emails, and working on the next thing off my list. And you know what? I’m afraid that I’m burning too much at once.

Among my crazy routine, I’ve been finding solace in my bed, doing nothing besides placing my head next to my dog and breathing. In the fleeting morning moment when I put my head next to my dog while the cool blankets shimmy against my skin – I am content. The abundance of joy I get by annoying my dog is unnatural, to say the least. However, before watching the video below, I wasn’t sure whether I would write my blog or not. I’m learning so many things at an incredible rate, but I still feel emotionally lacking something? The video below shares a dialogue between two of my favorite artists, Alicia Keys and Shawn Mendes.

In the video, they share their thoughts on love, anxiety, inspiration, amongst other topics. The wisdom and vulnerability you can sense in their demeanor is something I hope to achieve! In today’s world, we are given a skewed and romanticized definition of a perfectionist, which Shawn Mendes eloquently said. Another element of why I believe I’m burning is this nagging feeling that everything I do, I have to be the fastest, wealthiest, smartest, or any other -est word that places an extreme objective to be at the very top – in other words, perfect. Take notice in the video when Shawn discussed his disposition arriving at the upper echelon of his industry.

Many factors bring out this nagging feeling that inextricably binds all of us, including me: jealousy, social media, and globalization. The rapid globalization of technology and social media has given us a new world of possibilities with underlying detrimental behavior or emotions. Again, I’m no expert. These are my opinions that I share through writing, and you may disagree with what I say. However, I am attempting to say that the underlying emotion that rapid globalization weaponizes is jealousy – a natural human instinct. I think it’s safe to assume that we all have some level of jealously, even if it occurs without even realizing it.

Being jealous has always been negative, but I think somewhere along the lines, it became internalized that people should feel shameful for being jealous. However, people quickly forget that it’s such a fundamental human quality known as one of the seven deadly sins – envy. I’m not saying being jealous is a positive thing either. Still, I’m attempting to demonstrate that the unnatural longing to be “perfect” or the best was created through seemingly innocent elements slowly affecting our unconscious state. Jealousy or envy is an emotion that we, as humans, should understand but shouldn’t be used as fuel for an “unjust” action, so to speak.

I want to be burning with passion rather than letting this unnatural social shift snuff out my soul before my physical body follows.

Today, I hope you enjoy the ramblings of my inner thoughts on the matter and my creative burn-out. And tomorrow will be another day for the sun to rise, and so shall I.


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